On Ramen Bowls
by Miss Madd
Summary: The allout war for Naruto's heart has begun! Too bad he doesn't know it... Complete! Look for the sequalcoming soon SOAP OPERA EXTREME: Desert Ramen Love
1. Chapter 1

On Ramen Bowls

By: Madd Envy Freak

Summary: It's Naruto's birthday soon and Gaara goes… shopping. Sasuke and Gaara have a glaring contest, and Naru-chan is hopelessly clueless. Oneshot. Drabble. Ties together with my other GaaNaru fics.

Disclaimer: Me no own Naruto. Wish I owned Gaara and Naru-chan tho. I'd make them do bad things…. hehehehehe

A/N: Yeah… this has been bugging me for a while. Beware the fluffy-ness!

Gaara's left eye twitched as he watched his older sister Temari run around pointing at various things she thought Naruto would like for his birthday. Kankurou, too, offered his own two cents in and pointed out various things, including a set of Kunai and traveling bags.

Shaking his head, he muttered under his breath before slipping away from his clueless siblings; whom obviously had NO idea how important it was to find the PERFECT gift. He was the Kazekage, for kami's sake, he should be able to get Naruto anything the boy desired, everything he desired, _ever_. But, no, he couldn't even figure out what to get him for his birthday.

Scowling to himself, he wandered into a kitchenware shop and glanced at the various bowls and utensils. Gaara stopped, for a moment, when he came to the bowls. Eyeing a particular white bowl, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Picking the bowl up, he turned it over a few times in his hand. It was a simple bowl. White all around, with two narrow black bands at the top.

"Gaara, did you find something?"

Gaara glanced back at his sister and nodded, pointing at the ramen bowl, earning himself an odd look from his siblings.

Gaara glared at the paintbrush as it shook slightly in his hand. This was NOT supposed to be this hard. Scowling, he re-dipped the tiny brush in the black ink and gingerly let the brush stroke across the porcelain bowl.

Temari and Kankurou glanced at each other with raised eyebrows as they watched Gaara meticulously paint onto the shiny surface of the bowl. His first few attempts on paper had been… interesting. Gaara was not, by nature, a gifted artist. Far from it, in fact. Kankurou had commented that it looked like something a five year old had drawn, receiving a smack in the back of the head with a fan and a shrill, '_It's the thought that counts, baka!_' from Temari.

The rest of the day was spent in silence as they watched Gaara paint, inks of various colors and brushes of various sizes spread out before him on a mat as he sat cross-legged on the palace floor.

Gaara watched with growing anxiety as Naruto ripped open his birthday presents, a huge grin plastered on his face. All of the rookie nine were in attendance (and, unfortunately, that included the Bastard Uchiha, too), and a few others as well. Including one strange white-haired man who had given the seventeen year old some sort of trashy novel that a man named Iruka had immediately confiscated and burned. Much to a man named Kakashi's dismay. Something about it being the new Icha Icha… or some such trivial thing.

So, Gaara waited patiently for his turn to give Naruto his gift, suddenly wondering if perhaps he should have gotten Naruto something more… useful. He wanted to rip the Uchiha Bastard's smirking face off when Naruto had given a particularly loud squeal (Naruto was the only teen he knew that still squealed) when he opened Uchiha's gift; a set of new, very expensive, and very high-end Kunai, wrapped in an expensive looking, shiny paper. The kind they didn't have in Suna this time of year, being the dry season where the little supplies they did have were going to make more important things than wrapping paper.

Would his own gift match up to the Uchiha's?

Finally, Naruto turned to Gaara with a grin as the red head held out his gift, wrapped in a sand colored paper decorated with a deep red swirl design. Naruto cheerfully ripped the paper open (Gaara lamented here that he had to have Temari teach him to wrap the damned thing in the first place and Naruto shouldn't tear it like that) and popped open the plain cardboard box and peeked inside, blinking.

Curiously, he pulled the bowl and turned it over, letting his bright eyes take in the tiny animals drawn on the bowl's sides. In all of the captions, a blue-eyed, golden fox with nine tails danced around a teal eyed, red and tan one tailed raccoon, which clutched a tiny purple bear in it's paws.

Gaara fidgeted nervously as he watched Naruto stare at the bowl for what seemed to be ages, glancing at the smugly smirking Uchiha Bastard. Damn it. He shouldn't have got him such a silly, sentimental, stupid pres--

"I LOVE IT!"

Gaara was nearly knocked down by the overexcited Naruto, who had just glomped onto him with a huge grin.

Blinking, Gaara questioned in his usual quiet, emotionless voice, "You like it, Naruto-kun?"

"Yeah! It's awesome! It's a ramen bowl, right? Did you paint these yourself? They look really good! I suck at drawing, man! Believe it! My old ramen bowl was starting to crack and stuff, so this is perfect! Thanks, Gaa-chan!"

Patting Naruto's head awkwardly, Gaara glanced over at the fuming Uchiha Bastard and smirked, wrapping his arms around the shorter blonde in an quick, light hug; which only caused the bastard to growl at him in annoyance.

"I don't know what you're thinking, Subaka, but you had better keep away from Naruto, he's mine."

Gaara turned to the Uchiha Bastard and bit back, "I don't see your name on him, Uchiha."

Sasuke Uchiha's black eyes narrowed viciously as he sized the other male up, and he smirked viciously, "Don't waste your time, Bastard. You may be his friend, but he's been mine since before he even met you."

Gaara felt a sharp stab of pain in the back of his mind as he realized he Uchiha was right, Naruto had known him longer, and had been through hell for the ungrateful bastard… but…

"That may be, Uchiha, but you are pepper, and I am ramen."

With a smirk, Gaara turned and glided away, he sand shifting smugly as well, leaving a confused and pissed off Uchiha in his wake.

Naruto looked between his two best friends and blinked dumbly. Was it just hi, or were the two trying to rip each other's face off with their glares? Of yeah, and if judging by the intensity of those glares, if that didn't' work, they may just try to rip each others guts out physically. Weird…

"Oi, Gaa-chan!"

Two pairs of eyes snapped over to the grinning boy as he strolle dover, hands clutched behind his head, "Can I talk to you?"

Gaara nodded once and stood, casting a smirk over his shoulder at the Uchiha as he followed the fox demon vessel outside into the cool night air.

"Is something the matter, Naruto?"

Naruto shook his head, grinning, a slight blush finding it's way to his cheeks, "Nah, I just wanted to say thanks, for the bowl I mean. It must have taken you forever to make it, and, I, uh, you know… just wanted to say thanks."

Gaara smile inwardly at Naruto's embraced rambling and nodded, "You're welcome, Naruto."

Grinning, Naruto gripped (a surprised) Gaara's hand, "Come on then, lets get back to the party! I bet Sakura-chan's gunna beat Bushy Brows up pretty soon! He keeps on hitting on her."

Gaara nodded again, enjoying the feel of Naruto's warm tan hand around his large, paler one, and the gentle, musical ringing of his voice.

A slight smile twitched on Gaara's face at the look on the Uchiha's face when Gaara came in holding hands with Naruto. Kankurou gave Gaara a thumbs up and a wink as Temari giggled an odd fan girl-ish squeal.

In the end, the ramen bowl had been the perfect gift, after all.

---

The end. nn


	2. Chapter 2

On Ramen Bowls, Chapter two:

Race for the Dobe

_and_

Gaara vs. the Paints: Warfare in Suna

By: Madd Envy Freak

A/N: A follow up to 'On Ramen Bowls' chapter one. I decided to expand it a little. In this chapter: Gaara and Sasuke-Baka (can u tell I don't like Sasuke anymore? Lol Traitorous bee-yotch!) compete for Naruto's attention. Naruto, of course, is still completely clueless that his two best friends want him. Unfortunately, conniving pink-haired bimbos make their fight harder than expected… and when others get involved… well, it's not just a two way battle anymore. Plus, a side snippet on Gaara painting… and the trauma his brushes and ink went through.

A/U 2: OMG--I just re-read my other fics… and I am appalled at my horrible typing/grammar mistakes…. LMAO why didn't someone tell me my grammar was horrible? cries

A/N about the side snippet: LOL for some reason, after my reviewer said she couldn't see Gaara painting, I had this evil idea… the image popped up of Gaara crushing his paint and brushes with his sand coffin… deadpans

Disclaimer: me no own… cries If I did, there would be a lot more Naruto/Gaara love going on. nn And… SASUKE-BASTARD WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HIS SORRY ASS KICKED BY NARUTO AND DRAGGED BACK TO KONOHA LIKE THE BITCH HE IS!

Gaara vs. the Paints: Warfare in Suna

Gaara glared at the dainty brush in his hand, feeling his left eye twitch violently. The room had gone deathly quiet, the only sound the thunder crashing as lighting flashed between Gaara and his nemesis. The paintbrush.

But this was no normal paintbrush, Gaara decided. Oh, no. This _EVIL_ paintbrush was out to ruin his life and piss him off.

Once again, he dipped _just_ the tip in the pitch black ink and brought the bowl back up into his line of sight and slowly, painstaking dragged the brush along the side. He exhaled slowly, feeling the sand around him shifting nervously as he bit his tongue. Needless to say, when the paint ran on the slippery surface of the acrylic porcelain, Gaara was very upset.

Eyes gone wide with demon like rage, he jumped up, threw the paintbrush down, and sand coffined its sorry ass... Along with anything else in the room that was shaped like a brush or ink bottle. Smirking triumphantly at the dust and debris in the room, Gaara sat back and stared at the unfinished bowl before him.

"You know, Gaara, those were the last of the paint and brushes…"

Gaara turned his hard teal eyes towards his brother and replied calmly, "Go get me more."

Kankurou gave a mighty whine and many mutterings as he slouched from the room, his puppet dragged along the floor behind him.

Temari slowly turned to look at her entirely too calm brother and decided now would be a good time to leave, too, before he decided he needed to reestablish his existence--seeing as how his existence _obviously_ wasn't made for painting.

On Ramen Bowls, Chapter Two: Race for the Dobe

Paperwork. And it was _everywhere_. When Gaara had first met the Hokage, Tsunade, he had assumed she was simply a lazy, no-good drunkard who was intent on slacking off from work. Now, however, that he had been forced to do his own pile of the accursed paperwork (which, if destroyed, would be returned three-fold to him not five minutes later), he realized that perhaps he had been mistaken. Paperwork truly was a work of some evil entity out to destroy his life.

With a look of complete and utter boredom, he glanced over at his purple bear which was sitting, silently, on the plush couch. He glowered at it darkly for a moment, before turning back to his mountains of paperwork. Damn paperwork was taking away from his time with Naruto… and he just knew that damned Uchiha was making his move on the kitsune while Gaara was away… he felt his left eye twitch. And Naruto was naïve enough to let it happen, more than likely.

The leaf insignia of Konoha caught his attention and his eyes narrowed curiously as he quickly read it over. Smirking, he set the scroll aside and dug into his paperwork with renewed vigor.

Sasuke smirked as he watched _his_ Naruto inhale his ramen. Yes, in the warped, twisted, snake-like mind of Uchiha Sasuke, Naruto was his. He belonged to him completely, and when he finally won the dobe over, he would whisk that blonde away from the light of day where no one else could ever look upon his dobe again. **_Ever_**.

Smirking at the prospect of having Naruto tied up on his bed, naked, forever in the depths of the Uchiha mansion, he watched Naruto with lustful eyes. How the blonde could _not_ realize that the Uchiha wanted to molest him and ravish him in the worst possible way was beyond him, but it made the game all the more easy. After all, it wouldn't do to have Naruto run away if he did know what was going through the pervert-teme's mind. Sasuke's smirk grew into a lecherous, perverse grin as he imagined the blonde in any number of the steamy scenarios he had planned out for them.

He was so caught up in his sick fantasies that he hadn't even recognized the chakra signature that had come up behind them until Naruto had squealed out a happy, "GAA-CHAN!"

'_NO! It can't be! That sand bastard is supposed to be back in Suna!'_ Slowly, with narrowed, vicious eyes, Sasuke turned to glower at the red-haired sand-nin that had dared intrude upon his 'seduce-and-then-molest-a-captive-Naruto' time. Flaring Sharingon eyes met hard, cold aquamarine as the two glared at each other.

"Man, this is great! Come on, Gaa-chan, eat with us! How is everything in Suna going, eh? Old man Jiraiya came back into town the other day, you know? Ero Sennin was out peeking in on the women's baths, again, the pervert, and--"

Naruto's babbling, however, was lost on the Uchiha and Gaara who continued to glare at each other.

"N-Naruto-kun…?"

Naruto stopped his babbling and turned to look at the blushing Hinata, "Hey, Hinata-chan!"

If possible, the girl's blush got deep and she stammered something out about Sakura before quickly rushing off again, but not before quickly placing a piece of paper in Naruto's hand.

Blinking dumbly, Naruto stared at the paper in his hand, and then at the retreating back, "That was weird…"

Naruto unfolded the paper and his eyes widened in disbelief.

"What is it, Dobe?" Sasuke asked, turning his glare away from Gaara long enough to frown at the dumbstruck Naruto.

"Sakura… she… she…" Naruto's eyes had gone even wider as he gawked at the paper.

"She what?" Gaara frowned, his own eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion.

"SHE ASKED ME OUT! YATTTTAAAA!"

Two porcelain ramen bowls shattered in the grasps of one Uchiha Sasuke and one Subaka no Gaara. The over ecstatic Naruto blinked at them in confusion, "Eh, you guys ok?"

It was that moment when Gaara and Sasuke shared the only identical thought they would ever have (other than wanting to molest Naruto, of course); and that was this:

SAKURA WILL DIE.

Sakura grinned happily from her place on the bridge as she hummed to herself. Oh yes, her plan was working perfectly!

What plan, you ask? Why, that's simple!

MAKE SASUKE JEALOUS BY DATING NARUTO-BAKA!

She cackled gleefully at her own ingenious plan. It was a common fact, after all, that men wanted what other men had. So, if she lowered herself to dating that… blonde thing, Sasuke would want her and she could dump the looser!

And, her plan actually WAS working perfectly… except for the fact that she now had two hot men after her head rather than her ass.

---

My… grammar… is horrible. hangs head in shame OH WELL! heehee


	3. Chapter 3

On Ramen Bowls

Chapter Three: Stalkers-R-Us

Disclaimer: I no own… if I did… heh heh… evil perverted grin

Sasuke: Why am I the bad guy in this?

Me: 'Cause you put a fist _through_ Naru-chan's _chest_ AND, to top it off, I don't like you.

Sasuke: scowls

"… do you read? Over."

"Desert Wind, this is Puppet Master. Read you loud and clear. Panda man, do you copy? Over."

"…Call me Panda Man again and I'll kill you, Kankurou."

From his place perched on a high tree branch, Kankurou laughed nervously into his walkie-talkie and scratched the back of his head.

"Stop being a baka, Kankurou. Do you spot the Pink Leach, over."

"Man, you guys are no fun," Kankurou whined, looking into his binoculars with a pout, "yeah, the Pink Leach is ahead twelve meters with Ramen Fox, over."

"…"

"Kankurou, can you get a closer look? Over."

"Ten-four, Desert Wind. I'll have my new spy puppet get a better look! HAHA--"

"Kankurou, shut up and send the damned thing."

"Jeez, Panda Man, you've been a drag since that pink haired girl started dating your _booooyfriend_. Over!"

There was a long silence in which Kankurou looked at his walkie-talkie in confusion as no further sound came out of it. Shaking it with a bemused look, he cocked his head to the side and shrugged--only to be knocked from his hiding spot by a large, pissed pillar of sand.

"FUCK!"

"FUCK!"

Sakura looked up from what had to be the most annoying conversation in her life and looked around, blinking, "Naruto, did you hear that?"

Naruto stopped his rambling and turned to her, "Hear what?"

"I thought I heard someone yell 'fuck' a minute ago…"

"I didn't hear anything, Sakura-chan."

Sakura sighed to herself, thinking, '_Of course you didn't hear anything, moron. You were too busy talking. God, let this date end already…' _She cast a bored glance at Naruto who had gone back to talking about his last mission to Suna (honestly, was Suna and that Asshole Gaara the only thing he talked about?) and nodded absentmindedly.

"Hey, Naruto! Let's go shop downtown!"

"Yeah! That sounds like fun, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura smirked to herself evilly as she lead Naruto away from the little café

"Ack! Pink Leach is moving out with Ramen Fox, I repeat! They're coming your way, Desert Wind, Panda Man! Over."

"… Kankurou, when we get back, you're dead."

Kankurou blinked dumbly down at his static filled walkie-talkie and cursed to himself and his impending doom.

Temari glanced at Gaara, who was perched on a rooftop on the other end of the street, and chuckled slightly, shaking her head. This had to be the strangest peace-talk with Konoha she had ever been to. Vaguely, she wondered how mad the Hokage would be when she discovered the sand-siblings in her office were really sand clones… and that the real ones were out stalking one of her ninja.

And, why were they stalking him again?

A smirk twitched across her lips as she saw Gaara gives the Sakura girl--code named, 'Pink Leach,' a withering glare. Ah, yes. The pink thing had asked Naruto-kun out. Chuckling, she brought her binoculars back to her eyes and watched the pair.

Sasuke glared at the pink haired demon as she watched his Naruto with a bored look plastered on her face. What the hell did she think she was doing, anyway? It was obvious (to all but his molest-able dobe, of course) that she didn't like him… so… his eyes narrowed slightly. She wouldn't…

Green eyes met black and the pink haired girl winked at him and turned back to Naruto with a flirtatious smile. Sasuke's left eye twitched violently as she started pawing at HIS dobe with her disgusting… female hands! HOW DARE SHE!

And to think, she thought she was going to make him jealous by flirting with Naruto… dumb bitch.

"So, that's her plan, huh?" Temari snorted in disgust as she watched the scene in front of her, brothers at her left and right. Kankurou was watching the little movie with a wide grin (this was better than a soap opera!), and Gaara… well. Gaara looked ready to kill something. Slowly. With lots of blood.

She shivered and turned back to the three.

"Sasuke-kun? Is that you? I didn't see you there! Come and join us, Sasuke-kun!"

"Didn't see him my ass…" Gaara hissed viciously.

Kankurou nodded, munching on popcorn.

"Where the hell did you find that?" Temari demanded, scowling.

Looking around shiftily, Kankurou shrugged with an all-knowing grin, "I have my ways…"

"Sure you do, baka."

"Shut up, both of you." Gaara glared, shifting his eyes from the three at the table to his siblings, then back at the three. So. There was a new target, huh? "Kankurou, go to that roof over there. Keep an eye on the Pink Leach. Temari, the top of the tree opposite their table. Watch Snake-Bastard…"

No sooner had he given his order had his siblings departed. Eyes narrowing, he focused his third eyes and watched the three at the table--one of which were using his poor fox, and the other one who was trying to steal him away. Growling, Gaara's eyes narrowed into vicious slits, '_There's no way I'm letting you get my Naruto, you ugly transvestite…'_

_A/N: I think I'll end it here. teehee. Yeah… the ugly transvestite comment is refering to Sasuke's cursed seal second level… I think he looks like an ugly transvestite hooker with ugly purple hooker lipstick and ugly hooker hand wings. OO twitches That's what he gets for leaving! HAHAHA! His ultimate power: BEING AN UGLY HOOKER TRANSVESTITE! Heehee_

_Yeah… and… my computer crashes today. I had to reboot everything. Lost all my files… my computer likes laughing at me._


	4. Chapter 4

On Ramen Bowls

Chapter Four: Operation Infiltration

By: Madd Envy Freak

Disclaimer: does Naruto have hot, GaaNaru smex scenes? Or Sasuke getting the crap beat out of him by his uber-smexy brother? No? Then obviously I don't own. TT If I did, there'd be more lovin', less fighting, and Itachi wouldn't be getting pudgy!

"Ok, this is getting ridiculous! Over."

Temari nodded in agreement as she watched the Pink Leach cling all over Snake-Bastard, while Ramen Fox slurped down more ramen. Snake-Bastard, for his part, was trying to pry Pink Leach off of himself.

Yawning, she leaned back against the shingles of the roof and shifted slightly, to glance at her brothers who were still in hiding. Shaking her head with a chuckle, she replied, "Rodger that, Kankurou. The targets are just sitting there. Awaiting orders, over."

"… Infiltrate."

"'Bout damn time! I was getting old over here, man--"

"Kankurou, shut up."

"But, Temaaaariiiiiii….."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, IDIOT!"

"… Tch. Idiots." Gaara muttered as he slid form his perch, gliding silently towards the trio.

"Sasuke-kuuuuun!" Sakura squealed while Naruto pouted (he had finished his ramen), "We should go see that movie playing downtown!"

Naruto sighed and leaned back in his chair. So much for his date with Sakura… Stupid Sasuke. Always had to butt in and get her attention. What was so much better about him, anyway? All he ever did was scowl at her. With an annoyed huff, he leaned back further and stretched his arms behind his head, watching in confusion as the stars above them whirled past his eyes. What the…?

"Dobe! Watch it! You're tipping!"

Naruto's eyes bugged out as he waved his arms about in a poor attempt to keep himself from smashing his head open on the concrete. Now, had Sakura not been clinging to Sasuke, it would have been a perfect moment for him to continue 'seduce the dobe' plan; but, as fate would have it, she WAS clinging to him like an ugly pink leach, so all he could do was watch.

Gaara, on the other hand, had no such restrictions and easily caught the falling blonde with sand and promptly righted him.

"…You should be more careful, Naruto…"

Naruto spun around, blinked, and grinned broadly at his red-headed friend, "Gaa-chan! What are you doing here? Kankurou said you guys had to talk to obaa-chan!"

"Our meeting is over."

"Really?"

A nod.

"You should hang out with us, then! Since everyone else seems to be stopping over anyway." Naruto grinned, tugging his friend down into the chair next to him.

"Infiltration a success, I repeat--a success! Over."

"Kankurou, stop with the weird walkie talkie stuff. You're getting annoying."

"Awww… come on, Temari! Its' fun! We never do anything fun! Over!"

"… Shut up, idiot."

"Well, it's getting late, and you live on the other side of town, don't you Naruto?" Sakura chirped, glancing at Naruto from her place latched onto Sasuke's arm.

Naruto looke dup form ogling the Kunai in the window and nodded, scratching the back of his head, "Yeah… I should get going. Oi, Gaa-chan, where are you and your siblings staying? We should walk together!"

Gaara nodded, smirking slightly at the very pissed looking Uchiha when an evil idea came to mind, "Yes, unfortunately, Kankurou has over run the room with his new puppets…"

"Aw, man, that sucks! I know! Why don't you spend the night at my place, eh? It's not very big or anything, but, you know, I'd be happy to have you!"

Heh. Good old Naruto and his naïve hospitality.

Oh? Uchiha looks ready to kills something. Insert evil mental snicker.

"Hai, Naruto. Let's go." With that, Gaara set off towards Naruto's house, the happy blonde padding along next to him while the Leach dragged the Snake away.

"Well, here we are! Watch out for the mess--oh, I wouldn't go near the laundry room… eh-heh heh… haven't cleaned back there in awhile… I think there's a rabid sock or something…"

Gaara cocked an eyebrow as he nodded, following his precious fox into the small apartment.

"You can sleep in my room, now that you can sleep and everything, I've got a cot somewhere in the closet, so I'll take that." A thoughtful look passed over his face, "Oh yeah! The kitchen is over there," he waved off to the right randomly, "and the bathroom is across from the bedroom!… um… I gotta go take a shower now, so you can make yourself at home, ok? Knock if you need anything!"

Gaara nodded passively as he watched Naruto make his way to the bathroom, and then glanced around, taking it the small apartment. It was cluttered… but not overly dirty. It was cleaner than he expected, the majority of said clutter being stray ramen cups and chop sticks. He saw the Uchiha's Kunai set (covered in a thin layer of dust) placed on the book shelf and scowled at them darkly, highly tempted to crush them with sand…

Then, something else caught his attention. Sitting on the counter by the kitchen was a lone bowl, set on a clean white towel. Curiously (it was the only bowl in the kitchen, oddly), he drew closer and ran his fingers over the familiar pictures. A tiny, almost invisible smile tugged at the corner of his lips and his eyes softened. Then the look was gone, replaced by a smug smirk.

Naruto used _his_ gift more. Heh.

---

Yeah… shorter chapter. In next chapter: Kankurou gangs up with Konohamaru in the 'save the Boss from the evil Bastard' mission (I had to have his own little section in the story, he doesn't get enough love!), Sasuke stalks Naruto who out with Gaara grocery shopping, and Temari… well, threatens Sakura nn


	5. Chapter 5

On Ramen Bowls

Chapter five: Sleepovers and Grocery Shopping

PLUS 

The Kankurou and Konohamaru Operation:

Save the Boss!

Part One

By: Madd Envy Freak

A/N: First, I would like to thank all my reviewers… I LOVEYOU GUYS! cries and glomps the reviewers You all get Gaara and Naruto chibi Plushies!

The end of ths chapter is dedicated to all the Kankurou fans who believe he doesn't get enough love n-n

---

Kankurou snickered as Gaara and Naruto parted ways with their brother, leaving the Leach and Snake to each other. Temari, on the other hand, was smirking and leaning back against the tree.

"Well, looks like that was successful."

"Yeah," Kankurou agreed, plopping down on the tree branch, "now all we have to do is watch that Uchiha kid… he could get in the way…"

Temari nodded, frowning. A sudden chill ran down Kankurou's spine when her face twisted into an evil grin, "You follow the Uchiha, I'll go have a word with the Leach…"

Kankurou wondered if maybe his sister had taken lessons in evil laughter from the original Snake Bastard when he had his back turned or something. With a nervous nod, he followed his sister jumping from branch to branch and roof top to roof top.

"Sasuke-kuuuuuuuun!"

Sasuke's eye twitched.

"Let's go back to my place, Sasuke-kun! My parents aren't home, and we just got a new TV, and--"

"Sakura, go away before I kill you."

Sakura's big, green, rabid fan girl eyes widened and filled with tears, "Sasuke-kuuuuuun! How can you say something so meeeaaaan?"

Slowly, Sasuke turned his blazing red eyes on her and hissed, "You asked _MY_ dobe out on a date, you little _whore_. And then you latch onto _me_ like an eel. I HATE you, you stupid bitch. If you come near me--or _MY_ Naruto again--I'll **_KILL_** you."

With that, the Uchiha turned and stalked away thinking up evil plans to steal his Naruto away from the Sand bastard raccoon face known as Gaara.. Unknown to him, a Sand ninja and a little boy were watching his every move.

---

"Nay, Gaa-chan?"

Gaara looked up from the random book he had found on Naruto's floor (the book being covered in about a foot of dust) and looked towards the towel clad ninja who had just walked into the room, dripping wet, looking confused.

"Yes, Naruto?" Gaara replied stoically apparently completely un-phased. Apparently being the key word there. Inner Gaara was smirking at his own genius.

"Did you see where I put my clothes? I thought I had set them out in the bathroom, but… they weren't there…"

_Gaara's third eye surveyed the bathroom as a stream of sand leaked in from underneath the door. Once the target was spotted, half of the sand shifted and coiled around the bright orange cotton pajamas while the other rushed to the window, effectively opening it. In one elegant movement the pajamas were thrown out the window which was then closed, and the sand and eye retreated back to their master, whom sat in apparent innocent, with an evil smirk, on an ancient cough reading a book. _

"No, Naruto, I have not seen them… Perhaps you left them in your room…?"

Oh, yes. The great and almighty Gaara could lie with the best of them.

Naruto blinked and scratched his head, "Ha ha, I bet you're right, Gaa-chan! I'll go check!" Naruto turned and padded from the room with a bright smile; leaving Gaara with a clear, and rather nice, view of said ninja's backside.

"Man, they aren't in here either! Weird! Oh well…"

Gaara smirked and returned to reading his newly acquired book. A few moment later Naruto poked his head out of his room, grinning, "I'm going to bed now, Gaa-chan! Stay up as long as you like, the remotes on the back of the couch! 'Night!"

Gaara nodded and watched the blonde disappear out of the corner of his eye. Waiting a few minutes until the breathing in the other room deepened and evened out, he slid from the couch and made his way to the bedroom. For a moment he watched the narrow chest on the cot next to the bed rise and fall, then, with a tiny-barely-there-smile, he laid down in Naruto's bed. Which, he was content to find, still smelled like the ramen loving Kitsune.

---

"What? The Hokage needs you to stay a few more days, Gaa-chan?"

Gaara nodded, his passive mask never once slipping.

"You should stay here with me, then! It'll be great! We can order ramen, and pizza, and ramen!"

Gaara allowed his lips to twitch upwards for the blonde, who grinned broadly at the show of affection from the Sand ninja.

"We'll have to go shopping, too. All I've got is ramen…" Naruto sweat dropped, rubbing the back of his head.

Again, Gaara nodded and allowed himself to be pulled from the apartment by over hyper blonde.

---

"Hey, look, it's Sakura-chan! OHIYO, SAKURA-CHAN!"

Slowly, Sakura turned huge, horrified eyes to the blonde and waved slightly, "O-Ohiyo, Naruto."

"We're going shopping, you want to come with us, Sakura-chan?"

Shaking, Sakura glanced at the red head next to Naruto (who was currently emitting death vibes), then towards the trees where she knew her stalker was watching her.

"_Oi, bitch."_

_Sakura turned to look a the blonde haired sand ninja, scowling, "Who are you calling a bit--"_

"_SHUT UP AND LISTEN!" Temari snared, gripping Sakura by her collar and lifting her off the ground, "I don't want you going anywhere near Naruto-kun again, do you understand? If you do, well, Konoha will be missing one pink haired bimbo."_

_Sakura gulped and nodded._

Why was everyone threatening her today? She wondered this as she quickly ran away.

Naruto blinked, "That's weird."

Gaara nodded, attempting to keep the self-satisfied smile from his lips as he followed his blonde to the market.

---

The Kankurou and Konohamaru, Operation:

Save the Boss!

Part One

---

"Hey, cat-eared guy."

Kankurou slowly turned to look at a strange little boy with wild hair and a… cape.

"What do you want, kid? I'm working here."

"You're trying to keep that Uchiha guy away from boss, right?"

"Yes…? And your point?"

The kid, Konohamaru, gave him a toothy grin and replied, "I want to help! That guy's been bothering boss and following him around!"

"Boss…? Eh, you mean Naruto?"

Konohamaru nodded, grinning, "Yeah, him. So, you want my help or not, Cat Man."

Kankurou looked thoughtful for a moment. Sure, it would be helpful to have someone who knew the area and this way he could keep a better tab on the Bastard.

"Alright, Leaf Brat. But it's Puppet Master, not Cat Man."

Konohamaru grinned, "Alright, Puppet Master," here he whipped out his own walkie-talkie, "where's the target, captain?"

Kankurou grinned, he liked this kid.

-----

End chapter five. n-n


	6. Chapter 6

On Ramen Bowls

Chapter Six:

The Kankurou and Konohamaru, Operation:

Save the Boss!

Part Two: Stalking Sasuke 101

Dedication: to all the Kankurou fans out there… this is his chapter!

"The Snake-Bastard is on the move, Puppet Master! Moving towards Ramen Fox's house, over!"

Kankurou nodded as he watched Snake-Bastard slip out into the streets, hands shoved in his pockets, a dark scowl etched on his face.

"Follow the target with extreme caution, Leaf Brat. Don't let him out of your sites! Over."

"Yes sir, Puppet Master! I'll watch the Snake-Bastard! Over!"

Konohamaru whipped out his concealing sheet (a/n: the one they use to hide by the fence! Dunnow what it's called), and slowly stalked after the Snake-bastard.

Kankurou chuckled evilly as he took one of his tiny puppets (They come in mini-size now! YAY!), and proceeded to follow the two; jumping roof to roof. This was the perfect time to test his new and improved 'Spy Puppet!' Complete with invisible trip wires and high pitch resonating equipment and built in Henge Jutsu! Only four easy payment of $99.99! Which, of course, Gaara would be paying considering he had way more money than his poor, deprived older sibling whom, Kankurou decided ten minutes ago, Gaara loved very much.

---

Had Sasuke not been too busy being a perverted Bastard plotting the impending doom of Gaara, and the molestation of a certain blonde that would follow, he would have noticed the two ninjas following him. As it was, he was too busy plotting--more so on the molestation than anything. He had decided he would kill Gaara quickly so he would have more time to do said molestation.

He sighed heavily and smirked to himself. Sometimes it was hard, being such an incredible male specimen of genius of sexiness.

Or so he (and his legions of apparently bad-eyed fan girls) told himself.

All who knew him wondered if he was naturally a stuck-up horny bastard, or if it was an Uchiha trait.

---

Kankurou rolled his eyes at the smug, peacock look that took over Sasuke's girly features and muttered into the walkie-talkie, "Snake-Bastard is stroking his ego, Leaf Brat. Anything coming up down there? Over."

"Boss's house is up about a block yet, Puppet Master. I can see Boss and Panda Man coming out of the apartment through the hall window, over."

Grinning, Kankurou was happy he finally found someone who appreciated his use of nicknames, then again, Kankurou briefly wondered how this kid knew where Naruto's hall window was in the first place but quickly decided he really didn't want to know. Knowing Naruto had one obsessive stalker was enough, thank you very much.

"Puppet Master, Snake-Bastard has jumped into the bushes, over!"

Bushes? Kankurou grabbed out his new Spy Binoculars complete with night vision, heat vision, and Super-Close-Range-Spying-Vision (As seen on the Home Improvement Channel! Only three easy payments of $19.95!). Frowning, he looked to the Uchiha who was indeed hiding in a large bush. Raising an eyebrow in confusion, he replied, "Can you pinpoint the reason, Leaf Brat? He should be making his move--I can see Panda Man and Ramen Fox coming down the road. Over."

"Yeah, I can hear him muttering from here! Something about crazy fan girls…? Over."

Crazy… Fan girls? An evil grin stretched across his face as a diabolical plot formed in his head. This could be perfect! BUAHAHHAHAHA! Now he was glad he had read that book Spying and Snooping: Blackmail for Beginners! Rubbing his hands together gleefully, he put a henge on his puppet to form into the shape of the Pink Leach (two birds with one evil stone! Heh heh heh) and made it walk along the road.

---

Sasuke looked wearily through the branche so fhis hiding place as he spotted the Pink Haired Nuisance walking towards him. The girl blinked, a her body going tense and shivering.

Oh dear God--her Sasuke-Stalking-Senses were tingling! But, she wouldn't DARE to say anything after his warning last night… she wasn't that stupid.

…right?

"SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Fuck.

---

Kankurou and Konohamaru cackled evilly from their hiding places as Sasuke Uchiha, the great heir to the Uchiha clan, properly re-named Snake-Bastard, screamed like a girl and ran like a sissy away form a screaming horde of Sasuke-Fan girls. Of course, since Snake-Bastard was running towards Ramen Fox and Panda Man, they had to do something to stop him.

"Oi, Leaf Brat! Deflect the target! Over!"

"On it, captain! Over!"

Konohamaru whipped out a set of crayons and threw them into the street from his hiding place, "Crayons of Death no Jutsu!"

Snake-Bastard, too busy running from Rabid Fan girls to notice a bunch of rainbow colored crayons in front of him, didn't have time to dodge or move around. Instead, he found himself laying flat on his face and a mob of girls groping him in places he didn't want to be groped.

Kankurou and Konohamaru high-fived each other from their respective hiding places (which happened to be about a foot away from each other) , and grinned.

Temari, who just happened to stroll over at the moment of Snake-Bastard's capture by the RFGs, deadpanned and asked, "If you guys are that close to each other, why the walkie-talkies?"

"Psh. You're so clueless Temari. Spies NEED walkie-talkies! It's like, an unwritten rule or something!"

"Yeah!" Konohamaru agreed, grinning.

"Anyway, we have to get back to watching the Bastard--those fan girls will only hold him off so long! Let's go, Leaf Brat! We don't' have time to waste!"

"Right, Captain Puppet Master!" Konohamaru agreed as they struck a dynamic pose together--that had Temari wondering if the two had been around that Gai man too long. All it needed was the sunset--oh, wait, there's crashing waves. That's pretty close. Creepy, but close.

---

Sasuke dragged himself away from the Fan-Girl-Cave-of-Death and wheezed as he pulled himself up to look around the deserted street. Dammit. He lost sight of Naruto!

If he had been any less of a man, he would have whined like a baby.

Granted, he was more of an ugly transvestite than a man, but that was besides the point.

---

"Panda Man and Ramen Fox are exiting the grocery store, I repeat, exiting the grocery store! Over!"

"Alright, Leaf Brat, where is the target? Over."

"He's just spotted the Panda Man and Ramen Fox! Over!"

"Shit, let me see! Over!"

Kankurou and Konohamaru quickly switched places (which, apparently, only involved turning around), and Kankurou glared at the Uchiha who was following along behind Panda Man and Ramen Fox, with an aura of doom.

Eyes narrowing, Kankurou rubbed his chin thoughtfully. The fan girls didn't keep him down, so… hmm.

"I have an idea, captain."

Kankurou glanced at the kid and felt that the evil smiled was very contagious.

---

To say that he was having a bad day was an understatement. Sasuke Uchiha felt as if there was some force of ultimate evil following him around. Damn forces of ultimate evil.

He glared viciously at the Raccoon faced Bastard and gritted his teeth, walking forward quickly to catch up with them. Hell if he was going to let that eye liner wearing FREAK walk next to HIS Naruto. Suddenly, a feeling of utter dread washed over him and he looked up just in time to meet a waterfall of cold, old ramen.

---

Kankurou and Konohamaru jumpe dbakc into hiding cackling evily as they listened to the commotion below them.

"GOD DAMNED FUCKING RAMEN! I HATE YOU!"

"SASUKE-TEME! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT RAMEN! YOU BASTARD!"

"WHAT? SHIT! I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, NARUTO!"

"PSH! Come on Gaa-chan, Mr. Gaa-Gaa doesn't need this kind of negativity about ramen!"

Gaa-Gaa apparently being the dangerous looking red goldfish that was swimming in a baggie of water clutched protectively in Naruto's hands.

Kankurou could practically feel Gaara's smirking face as they walked away from the fuming Uchiha.

Kankurou and Konohamaru gave each other thumbs up and grinned, "We did it! We saved boss from the Snake-Bastard!"

"Yeah, Panda Man should be happy, too! Ramen Fox won't talk to Snake-Bastard for a while!"

---

Gaara suddenly stopped moving and his eyes narrowed into tiny slits.

"What's up, Gaa-chan?"

"For some reason… I have the sudden urge to kill Kankurou."

"Oh. Ok. Let's go eat some ramen!"

---

End chapter


	7. Chapter 7

_**On Ramen Bowls**_

_**Chapter Seven: Gold Fish and Plotting**_

_**By: Madd Envy Freak (aka, Moona--The Ultra Pervert!)**_

_**A/N; Thank you to all my reviewers! I feel so loved! -cries- sorry for the lack of updates, but I was away this weekend visiting my parents for my birthday party (even tho my birthday isn't till next week… -sweat drops-). Not that my relatives actually came… LOL **_

_**I got my first marriage proposal from a reviewer! WOOT-NESS! -does happy dance- It's nice to know my writing is THAT loved! LMAO**_

_**----------------------------------------**_

Naruto stared at the huge, unblinking eyes that looked back at him.

It stared back.

Stare.

_Stare_.

**_Stare_**.

**_Stare_**.

"Naruto, how long are you going to stare at the Goldfish?"

Blink.

Naruto, who had until that moment been locked in a battle of will with Gaa-Gaa, the evil-red-non-blinking-goldfish-of-death, turned to Gaara and whined, "Gaaaaa-chan, you made me blink! Now **_he_** won!"

Gaara slowly turned away from his friend, shaking his head in disbelief. How could he be in love with such an idiot? An idiot who had a staring contest with a _fish_. It had to be his sunny personality and sex-appeal, Gaara decided with a nod.

"And his name is Gaa-Gaa, Gaa-chan!"

Oh, the most horrible of embarrassments… a goldfish that was named after him…

&&&&&---Flashback! WOOT!---&&&&&

_Naruto stared at the huge, unblinking eyes that looked back at him._

_It stared back._

_Stare._

_Stare._

_**Stare**._

_**Stare**._

"_Naruto, how long are you going to stare at the Goldfish?"_

_Blink._

_Naruto, who had until that moment been locked in a battle of will with Gaa-Gaa, the evil-red-non-blinking-goldfish-of-death, turned to Gaara and whined, "Gaaaaa-chan, you made me blink! Now **he** won!"_

_Gaara stared at his friend and replied flatly, "He's a goldfish, Naruto, they do not blink."_

"_Which is exactly why I will defeat him, Gaa-chan! He's too stuck up for his own good! Look at him, staring at me like some smug, unblinking… fish! He's challenging me, Gaara!"_

"…"

"_Let's buy him, Gaa-chan!"_

"_What?"_

"_Let's buy him! He reminds me of you!"_

"…_**What**?"_

"_Look!" Naruto motioned Gaara closer and pointed at the fish, "He doesn't blink, just like you. And he's red, just like your hair! He's even got a black spot where your 'Ai' tattoo thingy is! He's like a fish-version of you!"_

"_Naruto… You are an idiot."_

"_I shall name him Gaa-Gaa!" Naruto jumped back and pointed at the goldfish, "And I shall defeat you, Gaa-Gaa!"_

&&&&&---End Flashback! WOOT!---&&&&&

Gaara slowly shook his head and sighed as he watched Naruto feed the red goldfish. It was amazing what he would put up with for his little fox.

"Gaaaaa-chan, let's go get ramen!"

---

Sasuke snarled to himself as he attempted to wash the remains of week old ramen from his hair. It was decided: He LOATHED ramen. After he finally captured Naruto, he would take all ramen and burn it. Burn it and then bury the ashes one thousand feet underground.

And he would bury that Bastard Gaara next to them.

Cackling evilly as he plotted the destruction of ramen and Gaara, he towel dried his hair and threw the used towel in the corner. He glanced at the clock on the wall, which read '6:35 p.m.' and nodded to himself with a smirk.

Naruto would be going to the ramen shop now.

---

Gaara watched in awe as Naruto inhaled his ramen. It never ceased to amaze him, how Naruto could consume food like that. Sighing to himself slightly, he propped his head on his hand and watched in apparent disinterest. Of course, inner Gaara (which, also happened to be perverted Gaara at the moment), was busy thinking of… other things Naruto could do with his mouth than inhale ramen.

"GAA-CHAAAAN!"

Gaara blinked once at the tan hand that was being waved in his face and muttered in his flat, impartial tone, "Yes, Naruto?"

"You ok, Gaa-chan? I've been calling your name for like, five minutes now!"

"Hn."

"That's good! I was, you know, worried!" Gaara raised a non-existant eyebrow as Naruto started to blush, "Cause you know, you looked sick and stuff. And, you know--Oh! Hey, do you want to try my ramen! It's the new Cheese flavor!"

(A/N: Yes, there IS cheese flavored ramen… It is THE best ramen on the face of the planet.)

Gaara blinked and nodded as Naruto held up a chopstick full of ramen to his red-haired friend. Opening his mouth dutifully, Gaara accepted the cheesy noodles.

---

Sasuke stared. And then glared. And then beat his fist against the ground like a five year old throwing a temper tantrum.

---

Temari, for her part in the 'stalk Naruto and Gaara' plan, giggled gleefully as she took numerous pictures to sell on the internet to her rapidly growing yaoi fangirl fanbase. She was making a LOT of money off these two!

"Leaf Brat, this is Puppet Master, do you copy? Over."

"I copy, Puppet Master. Snake-Bastard is moving towards Ramen Fox and Panda Man. What should we do? Over!"

Temari turned to look on in annoyance at the two idiots who were a foot away from her, "Why the hell are you two still using those?"

"We told you! We're spies!" Kankurou whined, pouting at his sister.

"Yeah, Temari! We're spies! And spies use cool spy stuff, like walkie talkies!"

"…Whatever. I'm going to go take pictures over there…" Temari muttered walking away from the two she deemed 'Idiot 1' and 'Idiot 2' so she wouldn't catch their stupidity.

"Tch. She just doesn't understand the total coolness of spies!" Konohamaru muttered, shaking is head sadly at the poor girl's lack of understanding.

"Yeah… poor Temari…"

They shared a moment grieving Temari's lack of spy-awareness.

"Oh no, Puppet Master! Snake-Bastard is on the move! And there are no Snake-Bastard fangirls around! What should we do, over!"

Temari rubbed her head in annoyance as they whined and bickered over what they would do. Then again, she thought, if Sasuke screwed up her picture taking, she would lose money! Eyes narrowing, she whipped out her cell phone and called her biggest… client.

---

Sasuke smirked as he slowly stalked up to the unaware red head bastard and blonde. This was his chance, his chance to get that damned Gaara away form his Naruto forever!

Insert evil mental-Orochimaru-laugh here.

---

As it turned out, the shopkeeper's daughter happened to be a huge GaaNaru fangirl and purchased every calendar and t-shirt available. So, needless to say, when Temari called and told her Sasuke-Bastard was trying to get Naruto and Gaara away from each other, she knew she had to intervene! Her favorite yaoi couple was at stake!

Shiftily, she glanced around and slipped out her own cell-phone. She may hate the girls and their obsessive-ness, but it was times like this that having _their_ phone numbers were important…

---

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Naruto blinked and turned to look behind him as a half-naked black haired man ran past him, screaming like a girl followed by a horde of squeeling, obsessed girls.

"Was that Sasuke-teme, Gaa-chan?"

Gaara shrugged and slurped up his cheesy ramen.

Naruto, seeing his friend's disinterest, shrugged too and continued eating his own ramen.

---

Kankurou and Konohamaru stared in awe at Temari as she smirked evilly.

"Oh my god."

"Holy boss!"

"Heh. I know. I'm amazing." Temari cackled as she twirled her cell phone around by it's GaaNaru styled cell-phone strap.

-------------------------------------

End chapter nn


	8. Chapter 8

_**On Ramen Bowls**_

_**Chapter Eight:**_

_**The Four Spies and Obsessive-Yaoi-Fangirl-Babysitters**_

_**A/N: Ok.. First of all, I would like to say thanks for all the ideas, ppl! On request of Shinigami this story will have a bit of a crack pairing later on (Temari/Lee--tho, no worries, it doesn't go anywhere and isn't really a pairing at all) and Moegi and Udon come into play… Though I don't know their characters too well, I only saw them in one episode! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! -cough-**_

_**And the OFC Laie (aka-Yaoi Freak #1) is a reviewer who puppy-dog-eyed me into putting her in… -sigh- I am SUCH a sap… LMAO. And, if I get more requests… yeah… I could be conned into doing it… I have a hard time saying no to reviewers… But I will only put ppl in for one chapter (I love random-ness) and as either a Sasuke-stalker/fangirl or one of Temari's Yaoi contacts. So, no, there will NOT be any OC/Naruto-characters. I LOATH stories like that. -twitches- LOL**_

_**Pride: If only your subordinates knew the almighty leader of the WeirdSisters was won over by puppy-dog eyes… -hangs head in shame-**_

_**Me: SHUT UP! -Hits him with the 'frying-pan-of-doom'- and free GaaNaru T-shirts and plushies to all the fans that bother reading my author's notes! Yay for you all! -glomps-**_

_**Oh, and thank you to the random reviewer who gave me cheesy ramen! I LOVE YOU! -glomps-**_

_**------------------------------------------------**_

"Something isn't making sense here, Leaf Brat. Over."

"What's that, Puppet Master? Over."

"How the FUCK does Snake-Bastard know where Naruto is always going to be? Over."

"You're right! Maybe he has some kid of evil shrine to boss and memorized his entire schedule or something! Over."

"Konohamaru-kun, what are you doing?"

Konohamaru and Kankurou jumped in surprise and turned to look at the three people standing behind them. Two of them Konohamaru knew personally (and happened to be Boss's other two devotees) and the other was some random girl wearing a 'GaaNaru' t-shirt and looking highly obsessive. Well, as obsessive as someone wearing yaoi pairing inspired clothes can look.

"Moegi, shhhh! We're spying on Snake-bastard!"

Udon sniffed, "Why are you doing that?"

"Cause, Snake-Bastard is trying to split Ramen Fox and Panda Man up!" Kankurou whispered, dragging the three new-comers down into the bushes with them so their target, Snake-Bastard, wouldn't see them.

"Leaf Brat, who are these people? Over." Kankurou hissed into his walkie talkie, keeping his Binocular aided eyes on Snake-bastard as he dragged his bloody and groped form into his apartment.

"These are my friends, Moegi and Udon! They follow boss too! I don't know who she is, though… Over."

"I'm Laie, I'm their babysitter… OMG! Walkie Talkies! I want one!" she squeeled.

Kankurou blinked dumbfounded, "Yeah, ok then…"

Udon blinked and sniffed, "Who are ramen fox and panda man?"

Kankurou and Konohamaru looked at each other and sighed heavily.

---

"So, this Snake-Bastard, who is actually Sasuke Uchiha, is stalking Naruto?" Laei said slowly.

"Yeah. It's our job as super cool spies to keep him away." Kankurou said smugly.

"OMG--I WANNA BE A SPY AND STOP SNAKE-BASTARD!" Laei and Moegi squeeled.

Udon, Kankurou, and Konohamaru sweat dropped and edged away from the obsessive girls.

"Did you see Temari-san's new webpage? She's got new hot T-shirts!" Laei crooned, stary eyed.

Moegi gasped, "Really?"

"Yeah! She even has one of them sharing ramen!"

"Oh my gosh! I want that!"

"OMG--I know!"

"Eh-Hem. Girls, we're TRYING to be spies, here." Kankurou muttered, looking at them in annoyance.

The girls blinked, "Oh."

"Oi, Puppet Master. I have an idea!"

"Yeah? What is it, Leaf Brat?"

"Well," Konohamaru whispered, motioning them all in closer, "we could get Moegi and Laei-chan to distract Snake-bastard while Udon, you, and me go snoop around his apartment and try to figure out how he knows where Naruto is going all the time!"

"You're a genius, Leaf Brat! Ok, you are Leaf-Mo!" Kankurou declared, pointing at Moegi, "and you are… Sniffle-Leaf!" here he pointed at Udon who nodded, sniffing, and then to the random babysitter (he still wondered where the hell such a random person came from), he said, "And you shall be Yaoi-Freak#1! Sniffle-Leaf, you're with us! Leaf-Mo, Yaoi-Freak#1, your mission is to get Snake-bastard away form his apartment! GO! WAIT! You need walkie talkies! I only have one extra from Gaara… Temari still has hers…"

Laie smirked and whipped out two walkie talkies--that were covered in GaaNaru stickers.

The boys sweat dropped as the girls giggled on about how cool their walkie talkies were.

---

Sasuke slowly ran the brush through his hair, tipping his head left, then right. Once he was sure his impeccably perfect hair was once again impeccably perfect, he gave out a suffering sigh and smoothed out his newly ironed shirt.

The things he put up with for hormonal love.

KNOCK KNOCK

Eye twitching, he glared at the door suspiciously and edged towards it, grabbing a kunai from the table as he passed. Slowly, he leaned forward and peered out the peek hole.

'_Who the fuck?'_

Eyes narrowing dangerously, he opened the door and glared at the strange red-haired child and the scary looking older woman with her--wait, were those GAANARU things she was wearing? WHAT THE HELL?

"What do you want?"

"Naruto sent us, Uchiha-san! He wants us to take you to the park where he wants you to meet him!" the little girl, whom he finally recognized as one of Naruto's lackeys, chirped looking up at him with big, innocent eyes.

The girls cackled evilly as they followed the dashing (a/n: verb) Uchiha.

---

"Sniffle-Leaf, Leaf Brat, the target has moved, I repeat, the target has moved! Proceed with caution! Over!" Kankurou barked into his walkie talkie from his hiding place, which happened to be behind a large potted plant in Uchiha's apartment building's hallway.

"Rodger, Puppet Master! We're going in! Over!"

"--sniffle--I'm right behind him,--sniffle--over."

Kankurou beamed in pride at his two rookie spies. They reminded him so much of himself at that age. Quickly jumping into formation behind his two spy-allies, he adjusted his Super Spy Goggles and they crept towards the door slowly, waiting for some unseen enemy the demon Snake-Bastard was obviously employing.

"What the HELL are you guys DOING?"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Udon, Konohamaru, and Kankurou jumped in horror at the voice and flung themselves into the safest of their hiding places… which, in reality, only fooled hormone driven teenagers.

Temari slowly shook her head at them, muttering about how the Idiot Brigade had gained new members and pushed open the partly closed door.

---

"--Sniffle--this is just… weird. --Sniffle--Over."

"Yeah… seriously creepy. Over."

"It's romantic, in a stalker kind of way…"

"Uchiha has some _serious_ issues. Over."

The four ninjas (three of which still claimed to be spies), stared in slightly horrified disgust and awe at the Naruto shrine decorating every inch of the Uchiha's apartment. Pictures, used gum, and even random used chopsticks littered the walls… it was indeed a disturbing site. Shuddering, Kankurou went off to explore.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD."

Temari's eyes widened as she ran to see what her brother--who was too horrified to use his 'spy language'--was screaming about, "What is it, Kank--OH MY FUCKING GOD."

Kankurou and Temari quickly covered Udon and Konohamaru's eyes and backed the two out of the Uchiha's room; which was covered in Naruto plushies, and… XXX rated Naruto pictures from public bath houses and… what looked like Naruto's personal bathroom.

Kankurou shuddered and closed the door of evil, looking slightly green. "Ok… we will never discuss THAT again…"

The other three nodded, horrified.

---

"Check this out! He's got Naruto's complete schedule from the time he wakes up tot eh time he goes to bed! This is nuts!" Temari gawked, going through the stack of paper on the Uchiha's desk.

"You think that's messed up… he's got video tapes of Naruto… some of these I'm willing to bet aren't kid appropriate." Kankurou replied.

"No wonder he always knows where Boss is, he's a stalker perv." Konohamaru muttered.

"--sniffle--yeah."

"STUPID GIRLS! NARUTO WASN'T AT THE PARK… GRRR…"

The four looked at each other in horror and quickly jumped out he window before the Uchiha Snake-Bastard could see them. Sasuke threw the door open and froze upon seeing the state of his room, "WHAT THE HELL?"

---

Moegi panted as she ran to catch up with her friends, panting, "Did--pant--you guys find out anything?"

"Yeah, Snake-Bastard is a huge perverted FREAK."

Kankurou blinked and slowly looked around, "Oi, where'd the freaky GaaNaru lady go?"

"Oh! Mom found us cackling on the side walk and decided she wasn't a good influence on me and fired her…" Moegi shrugged.

---

"Come on, Gaa-chan! Move your ass! It's not like this is hard!"

"I would move, but your butt is in my way, Naruto."

"Jeez, Gaa-chan! You suck at this!"

"We don't have time for mindless games like this in Suna, Naruto."

"Bah! Twister is the greatest game **_EVER_**!"

Silently, mentally, and perversely Gaara would agree--what other game could have him in such an obviously erotic position with his best friend and love _but_ Twister? Gaara's eyes rolled back as Naruto's 'right hand blue' sent the blondes leg rubbing up against Gaara's… lower regions.

This game was going to kill him.

---

End chapter nn


	9. Chapter 9

_**On Ramen Bowls**_

_**Chapter Nine:**_

_**Twister and Rivals**_

_**A/N: Neji comes in this chapter! Lee should come in some time next chapter… if I get around to him. I just thought up an interesting plot twist, so… yeah. lol**_

---

"This is ridiculous, Naruto…"

"Shut up and move your foot, Gaa-chan!" Naruto chirped brightly from his place below Gaara (A/N: Which is where he BELONGS, Darn it!) on the twister mat.

Gaara sighed heavily and moved his left foot to the nearest available green circle, which, of course, was not as close as the one on his other side… but, _this_ green circle put him in a very… pleasing position with Naruto. The only good thing about this idiot game, Gaara decided.

How the Hell did Naruto get him to play anyway?

---FLASHBACK-NESS---

"_Gaa-chan!"_

"_Yes, Naruto?"_

"_Let's play Twister!"_

"_What is this… Twister?"_

_After a long explanation of the rules of the game, Gaara promptly replied, "No."_

"_Aww… come on, Gaa-chan!"_

"_No."_

"_Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase?" Naruto begged, looking up at him with huge blue chibi eyes causing Gaara to twitch and attempt to resist the urge to glomp._

_Or molest._

_  
Whichever came first._

"_Fine."_

---End FLASHBACK-NESS---

Ah, yes, that was how. Gaara sighed heavily as Naruto spun the little dial and waited for his own direction.

"Left hand red! OK!" Naruto looked around the board thoughtfully, planning his next course of action--he would not lose to a novice like Gaa-chan! HIS PRIDE AS A TWISTER CHAMPION AND A MAN WAS AT STAKE!

Gaara rolled his eyes at the look of complete and utter concentration on his soon-to-be-lover's face and sighed heavily to himself, looking around in boredom. His light jade eyes rested on his guard and an evil smile tugged at his lips.

Naruto shifted and moved his hand back and to the right, "Left hand r--OMPH! FUCK!"

Gaara smirked as the sand slid under Naruto's hand, making the boy slide and lose his balance, causing his posterior end to jut into the air and his front face-end to fall to the floor. Gaara, being the good Samaritan he was, quickly caught the blonde by the chest before he smashed his chin against the hardwood. It wasn't his intention that his hips be pressed to Naruto's backside at all. That was just ridiculous.

And, yet, oh so true.

"Ack! No fair using your sand, Gaa-chan! I could have cracked my law open or something!"

Gaara chuckled and breathed in Naruto's ear, "Don't worry… I'll always catch you… Naruto." here Gaara paused and leaned in closer, his lips brushing against Naruto's outer ear, "And I rather like this position… don't you, Na-ru-to?"

Naruto's face turned a lovely shade of red and he inhaled sharply, but before Gaara could comment on how flattering the color was on his little Uke, there was a knock at the door.

"AH! The door! I better go answer it, yup, yup!" Naruto babbled, still red, and quickly scrambled out from under Gaara and dashed to the door as the scowling red-head pulled himself up.

He was going to KILL whoever it was.

"NEJI!"

Gaara froze, eyes narrowing. Neji Hyuuga? The one Naruto fought during the Exams? The 'obviously madly in love with him and everyone knew it except Naruto', Neji Hyuuga? Gaara felt his eye twitch violently. Was fate _trying_ to be a bitch to him?

Gaara walked to stand behind Naruto (who was _hugging_ the Bastard Hyuuga, insert mental twitch here) and glared heatedly at the Hyuuga. Neji, having noticed the red head, glared back and tightened his hold on Naruto.

That was it. Neji Hyuuga would rot right next to Uchiha Sasuke and Hyuuga Hinata (who had dared look at his blonde!).

---

Sakura frowned to herself as she sat alone on the park bench. The world was out to get her… everywhere she went she saw that horrible blonde demon with Sasuke following him! She clenched her fists in anger. What did Sasuke see in him? He, and the other rookies, now knew that Naruto housed that… demon thing… so why did they all love him so much?

And since when was everyone GAY?

And gay for _Naruto_. He was loud, hyperactive, an idiot… she, on the other hand, was beautiful, graceful, and a woman! She could have children! All Naruto could do was take it up the ass like some ugly blonde bitch!

Her scowl deepened and she glared at the ground.

She had to get rid of that stupid bastard… but how?

---

"So, what are you doing back so early, Neji? Granny said you wouldn't be back for a week!" Naruto chirped brightly, handing his two guests (who were still oddly glaring at each other, much to his confusion) cans of soda.

"Our mission when faster than expected." Neji replied with a small, warm smile.

"That's cool!" Naruto said brightly, not noticing the chill that went through the room as Gaara stiffened and glared harder.

"You've missed a lot lately, Neji! Sasuke-teme keeps following us around-how weird is that?- and Sakura asked me out, but totally ignored me, and I thought I saw Kankurou hanging out with Konohamaru and my gang of followers a while ago, and--"

"Sasuke was following you?" Neji interrupted, frowning.

Naruto blinked and nodded as Gaara made a sharp snorting sound, "Yeah, weird Bastard. He's been following Gaa-chan and I around since Gaa-chan moved in with me! He's here visiting on a diplomatic… thingy."

Neji frowned to himself and glanced at Gaara, "Naruto, may I speak to you... In private, please?"

Gaara twitched violently and resisted the urge to kill the damned tresspassing BASTARD.

"Sure, Neji." Naruto blinked, standing up, looking rather confused, "Be right back, Gaa-chan!"

Gaara nodded stiffly as Neji and Naruto left the room.

---

"What is it, Neji? You look… kind of pale."

"Do you love him, Naruto?"

"EHHH? WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!" Naruto squeaked, blushing deeply.

Neji smiled sadly at him, "You do then?"

"How did you… I mean…" Naruto paused, sighing, "am I that obvious?"

Neji shook his head, chuckling, "I can help you, if you want."

Naruto gasped, eyes going wide, "Really, Neji?"

With a soft chuckle the Hyuuga nodded, watching the hyperactive boy pump his fist into the air and jumping around in joy. '_I only wish for your happiness, Naruto… you saved me from the dark… helping you obtain your light, even if it is not me, is the least I can do.'_

---

Shorter chapter… Sakura's plot starts next chapter! And… things get a little… ugly.


	10. Chapter 10

_**On Ramen Bowls**_

_**Chapter Ten: Make me Pretty! And, WHO DOES NARUTO LOVE? Gaara, or Sasuke?!?!? And, finally, enter the Cloud-Watcher!**_

_**A/N: Lee makes his grand entrance, finally! WOOT-NESS! And… Naruto gets a double date! **_

_**---**_

Tsunade growled in aggravation as she looked over the letter from Suna (which, apparently, was supposed to have arrived a month before, but had been put into the wrong pile, according to Shizune, who was just as befuddled as her Hokage at the sudden arrival of said letter) which requested a diplomat from Konoha spend an unknown amount of time there for 'diplomatic relations.'

Why the HELL hadn't that Gaara brat said something about this in the five minutes he was here before he ran off and disappeared?

She sighed heavily and took out her secret stash of Sake, the stash the evil slave-drive-also-known-as-Shizune would never find out about… which was conveniently hidden in her cleavage.

She cackled at her own brilliance.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she rested her chin on her palm and sighed. Who the hell would she send on this mission? It required staying at the Suna palace, and even though Suna and Konoha were on good terms now…

Well, to be honest, even the Jounin were scared shitless of the freaky eyebrow-less Kazekage.

"Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade looked up in boredom to glance at Sakura, who had just poked her head into the room.

"What is it, Sakura?"

"Um, Shizune wanted me to drop these papers off… what are you doing?"

Tsunade sighed heavily and glared at the letter in her hand, "Trying to think of a ninja to go to Suna for an extended mission… of diplomatic importance apparently."

Sakura blinked and looked thoughtful, "Well, if it isn't that dangerous… why don't you send Naruto?"

Tsunade blinked, "Eh?"

Sakura smiled brightly, "Well, Naruto-kun and Gaara-sama get along well, nay? And Naruto-kun isn't afraid of Gaara-sama like the other Jounin are, and Naruto-kun wants to be Hokage, right? So, wouldn't a diplomatic mission like this be perfect?"

An evil smile spread over Tsunade's lips. YES! Perfect! A chance to get some quiet around here for once!

Inner Sakura marveled at how well her evil plan went.

---

Ino squealed, "Oh my God! He admitted it!"

"That is SO cute!" Ten-ten agreed in a giggle.

Neji nodded, rolling his eyes at the giggling girls.

"So, who does he love?" Ino asked, leaning forward curiously.

Neji briefly wondered how sharing the heartache of his unrequited love turned into gossiping about Naruto, "What do you mean, Ino-san?"

Ino and Ten-ten gaped at him, "You were talking about BOTH Sasuke and Gaara, weren't you?"

"Yes…?"

"And did you specify WHO you asked him about?"

"No…?"

"THEN WHO THE HELL DOES HE LIKE?!?!" The girls screamed in his ear.

"Oh... My… God." Neji whispered, eyes going wide, "I could have just agreed to help him with Uchiha…"

The three shared a horrified look.

"Well, we'll just have to make sure the Dick-Less Wonder likes the Walking Panda, not Duck Butt Head."

The three whipped around in surprise, "EH, SAI?!?!?"

Sai nodded, tapping his chin, "Duck Butt Head is not a good choice for the Dickless-Wonder. Panda would be much better." he paused and sighed, "If I cannot have him myself, that is."

Neji nodded in agreement, "I would rather die than let Uch--WAIT?!? YOURSELF?"

Sai nodded gravely, "Yes. I, too, have fallen under Naruto's spell."

Ino and Ten-ten gawked at each other and squealed. This was better than a soap opera!

---

Sasuke glared at Gaara, who glared at Kankurou for letting the Uchiha get past him, and Kankurou was gawking at Naruto who was currently inhaling his tenth bowl of cheesy ramen. (A/N: best flavor EVER.)

"Ano sa, ano sa! You guys should get some ramen, too! It's good!"

"With the way you're eating, Naruto-kun, we'll be lucky to pay for just you!" Kankurou pointed out, motioning to the steadily growing stack of bowls.

"Eh-heh heh heh… yeah…" Naruto scratched the back of his head nervously. It didn't help that one of his best friends and his secret crush were glaring daggers at each other!

Inwardly, both Gaara and Kankurou sighed. At least this gave Temari the time to raid the Uchiha's apartment and destroy anything Naruto-oriented (or, in the case of Gaara's threatening, confiscate anything that had Naruto's face and/or body plastered on it (especially if said picture was him naked)).

---

Temari smirked up at the burning apartment building, cackling evilly. Whistling, she turned around and walked through the horde of people watching, swinging her bag of confiscated Naruto-goods.

(a/n: I can picture Temari as a pyro. LOL)

---

Naruto blinked and looked up at the staggering ninja that had just crossed his line of vision.

"Eh, Busy Brows?"

Rock Lee looked up with what Naruto thought had to be the BEST impression of a Zombie ever.

"Naruto-kun…?"

The other three boys turned to look at the blonde and black haired boys who were now conversing.

"Oi, what's wrong, Bushy Brows?"

"Oh, Naruto-kun!" Lee wailed, glomping onto the surprised blonde, "It is the most horrible thing EVER! Sakura-san denied my love for her and SENT ME AWAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! MY FIRE OF YOUTH HAS BEEN QUENCHED!"

Naruto sweat dropped as Lee fell dramatically to the ground.

"NARUTOOOOO!!!" Naruto blinked and turned to look at Ino, Sai, Ten-ten, Neji, and a smiling Temari as they came barreling towards him.

Except Temari, of course, who dropped the bag inconspicuously into Gaara's lap while the others weren't looking.

Gaara glanced around shiftily and stuffed the bag in his gourd and discreetly handed his sister fifty dollars. It was SO worth it.

Ten-ten stopped and blinked, staring at Lee, she turned to Naruto and whispered, "What's wrong with Lee-kun?"

"Sakura dumped him… hard." Naruto said with a sad sigh.

"Oh…" Ten-ten whispered, eyes going teary, "poor Lee-kun."

Naruto paused and glanced between his two friends, and a foxy grin came over his face. Edging over to the bun-haired Kanoichi, he whispered conspiratorially, "Ano… why don't you ask him out, Ten-ten-chan?"

The other ninja glanced at each other in confusion. What the Hell were Naruto and Ten-ten talking about?

"Ehhhh? I couldn't, he'd say no!" Ten-ten replied back, blushing.

"Aaaaaw, come on, Ten-ten-chan! I'll back you up! We can say it's a double date or something!"

"Really, Naruto-kun?"

"Yah, yah!" Naruto grinned.

Ten-ten nodded, blushing, "Umm… Lee-kun?"

Lee looked up at her sadly, "Hai, Ten-ten-san?"

"Would you like to go out to eat with me? Naruto invited me on a double date with him and his-er-date awhile ago, but I didn't have anyone to go with…"

The other ninja's blinked dumbly.

"Would you like to accompany us, Lee-san?"

Lee blinked, "Ten-ten-san… I don't know…"

"Aw, come on Bushy Brows! The flame of youth waits for no one!" Naruto cheered, pointing at the sky.

Lee's eyes widened and he jumped up, "YOSH! YOU ARE RIGHT, NARUTO-KUN! I would be honored to go with you, Ten-ten-san! MY FLAME OF YOUTH SHALL NOT DIE! HA-HA!"

Ino and Temari squealed. Which, in turn caused Gaara and Kankurou to have a heart attack from hearing said sister squeal. Sai grinned, and Neji just stared blankly wondering what the HELL was going on.

Sasuke was busy glaring at everyone wishing they would leave.

The two girls latched onto Lee, who blinked dumbly, and Ino declared, "We have to fix you up for your date, Lee! We'll make you look _fine_! Heh heh heh."

Lee suddenly feared for his flames of youth and green jumpsuit.

"So, Naruto-kun, who _are_ you bringing with you on our double date?" Ten-ten asked curiously.

Everyone froze and turned to stared at him.

Naruto started to sweat. Who should he say? He didn't want to say Sasuke or Gaara, in fear of loosing his two best friends if they thought he _actually_ liked him. Sasuke was obviously not gay, and Gaara just liked messing with his head--it must be some side effect of suddenly being able to sleep again. Gave him time to dream of sadistic things to do to his best friend. But, if he said someone else, the one he DID like may think he liked someone else, and that would screw things up so bad!

'_If you're up there, God… PLEASE, GOD HELP ME!' _Naruto screamed in his head as Kyuubi laughed its nine-tailed ass off.

"Tch. It's troublesome, but he's going with me."

'_THERE IS A GOD!'_

Everyone slowly turned and gawked at the lazy, yet ingenious, cloud watching newcomer.

Gaara and Sasuke added a new name to their kill list, and Neji and Sai gawked--since when did Shikamaru LIKE Naruto?

Ino and Ten-ten glanced at each other and grinned. THIS WAS BETTER THAN A SOAP OPERA!

Temari whished she had a video camera… she could tape this and sell it as a soap opera on the internet!

-------------------

End chapter. Heh heh heh. Next chapter is the Double Date! And we see Shikamaru's _true_ intentions…


	11. Chapter 11

_**On Ramen Bowls**_

_**Chapter 11: Double Date and Missions of the Future Hokage!**_

_**A/N: This is the LAST chapter! IT IS DONE! WOOOOOT! Heh heh heh… yer all gunna hate me, tho. -nods evilly-**_

_**Warnings: Mild Angst (I think…)**_

------

Shikamaru wasn't a lazy genius for nothing. He was well aware his blonde dope of a friend had gotten himself in way over his head when he proposed the double date idea to get Lee's mind off of the annoying Sakura girl. He sighed heavily to himself when all eyes turned to look at the blonde who was obviously panicking.

It amazed him how Naruto could be intuitive enough o know that Ten-ten liked Lee, but he could not figure out that he had three Konoha ninja (and one from Suna) after his ass.

He had originally planned on leaving the situation as it was, but… He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. The blonde had done a lot for him and Konoha, it wouldn't be right to leave him high and dry like this.

"Tch. It's troublesome, but he's going with me."

He sighed heavily to himself as the glares of two murderous would-be lovers were directed at him.

Tch. Helping was so troublesome.

---

"_What_ are your intentions with Naruto, Shikamaru?" Neji demanded, eyes narrowing.

Shikamaru sighed heavily and rubbed his temples, "Tch, I knew helping out would be troublesome."

"What?" Sai blinked.

The three girls blinked at him in bewildered confusion (Temari having gotten a video recorder from heaven only knows where), and Kankurou looked mildly confused (or annoyed, or uncaring… he wasn't quit sure yet. Gaara had stolen and broken his walkie talkies, so he was still sulking), and Gaara's eyes had narrowed slightly.

Sasuke, on the other hand, didn't look convinced in the least.

"I have no interest in Naruto that way, Uchiha. Tch. Naruto may not be as troublesome as women, I'll even admit he's remotely enjoyable to be around, but when all of YOU are added to the picture he becomes much too troublesome for my taste." He sighed and looked up at the clouds, boredom on his face.

Something sparked in Ino's eyes as she leaned forward, motioning Temari to get the camera closer, "What do you mean by him making a baka of himself?"

"Does this have to do with who Naruto like, Shikamaru?" Neji demanded, frowning.

"Troublesome, but yes."

The girls squealed and huddled closer, practically shoving the camera in an annoyed Shikamaru's face, "So, you know he likes someone, too?"

"Tch. Of course. I also happen to know that the person he likes was one of the male ninja at the table today. And the reason Naruto didn't say anything is because he didn't want to make a fool of himself by revealing something."

Sai blinked, "So, Naruto likes one of us?"

"Yes."

The four held their breath.

"How do you know?" Gaara demanded, eyes narrow.

"Because I'm a genius." Shikamaru replied, boredom laced in his tone.

"Then who is it?" Sasuke snarled, glaring at him.

Shikamaru smirked, "Tch. It's too troublesome to tell you."

They all gaped as Shikamaru walked away, looking at the sky.

"NO FUCKING WAY!" Kankurou whined, "All that and he isn't going to tell us?!?"

-----

Lee paced nervously in front of Ino's house as he waited for the Kanoichi to arrive with the Sand nin, Temari. Naruto looke dup and grinned at hi, "Chill out, man! It'll be great!"

"Hai, hai, Naruto-kun! I'm just nervous! My flame f youth is burning bright in excitement!!!"

"Yeah… ok then." Naruto sweat dropped.

"NARUTO!!!"

Naruto's eyes bugge dout as he was mauled by two girls.

"E-eh??!!"

"WHO IS IT??? HUH, HUH, HUH?!?!?"

Naruto's eyes widened in fear, since when were Temari and Ino rabid? They certainly looked like it--Hell, they were foaming at the mouth! "Who is… what?"

The two girls deadpanned and glowered at him. After a moment, they took Lee by the arms and dragged him inside instead. Naruto blinked in confusion and shrugged. He had to get ready!

---

Ten-ten sparkled. Lee grinned.

Ten-ten sparkled more in awe.

Lee grinned and his teeth glittered.

Ten-ten squealed, little hearts popping into her eyes.

Shikamaru (aka, Lazy Ass) and Naruto (aka Ramen Fox) looked bored and confused.

Kankurou rolled his eyes and flopped down onto the tree branch, whining, "Why do we have to spy on theeeeeem???"

Temari sighed heavily and through a random stick at him, "Shut up, idiot. They'll hear us."

Gaara snorted and glared at the Uchiha who was watching the double-date like a hawk.

---

Shikamaru and Naruto looked at each other, then at Lee and Ten-ten, then back at each other and sighed.

"Mission accomplished, Lazy Ass. Let's get out of here. I think the sparkles are goingot make me hurl."

"Tch They're so troublesome."

Naruto and Shikamaru hauled themselves out of the restaurant, brains thoroughly overloaded with mushy goo-goo lovey dovey… crap.

"If I ever get around to asking him out, and we ever act like that, shoot me." Naruto muttered.

"I will." Shikamaru promised flatly, "Having two couple like that would be too troublesome."

Naruto nodded in agreement.

Silence.

Silence turned to horribly awkward silence.

Shikamaru sighed and glanced at his downcast friend, "Oi, are you ever going to tell him, moron?"

Naruto gaped at him, "Of course not, Shika-baka! I mean, I may like him… but I doubt he likes me like that! We're just friends…"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, "You won't know that unless you ask, idiot."

Sighing, Naruto glanced at the ground, "I don't want to ask and be wrong, Shikamaru. I don't want to loose one of the few friends I have."

The taller, darker haired ninja stopped, and turned to frown at the blonde, "What are you talking about?"

"I don't want to give _them_ another reason to hate me."

Shikamaru can see the frail form of the blonde shivering, and the blue eyes look far away, as if they can see things no one else does. . And, as Shikamaru knows, they probably can.

Those eyes… are tinted red.

A slight smile tugs at his lips as Naruto snaps out of his momentary lapse and grins at him. There was always something about Naruto. He could look at the clouds and not see just the clouds--he could look there and see everything the mortal eye could not.

Hopes.

Dreams.

Stars.

Shikamaru chuckled as he followed the now babbling blonde. For Naruto there was always sunlight, never shadows. There was never any doubt for victory when all others saw was defeat. This blonde… whether it was sheer stupidity, naivety, or some other random obscurity Shikamaru couldn't fathom in his logical mind, he didn't know.

He did know, however, that if Naruto would lose that sunlight again, he would suffer--as would the entire village.

His eyes are back to blue now, and Shikamaru knows he can never let the Uchiha close to Naruto ever again. He had seen what those empty, crimson eyes could do to the soul inside the vessel, and he knew that the Uchiha could bring Naruto nothing but pain…

Even now, though no one else could see beyond the lies and carefully constructed smiles, Naruto was still burning from the hot pepper that was Uchiha.

---FLASHBACK---

_There was a gaping hole in the blonde where his stomach had been only minutes before. Shikamaru could do nothing but stare as the Uchiha sneered over at the blonde from his place leaning against the tree. _

_In the sky there were no birds, no singing._

_Only a single, horrendous rainbow._

"_Now what, dobe? You and your damned fox couldn't defeat me, nor could yor Lazy Bastard friend."_

_Naruto closed his eyes and wheezed._

_Shikamaru, the only team member that had made it with the blonde this far, groaned in pain as he tried to pry himself off the floor to aid his dying friend. In the end, he could only hiss out at the raven haired idiot, "You… you stupid bastard."_

_Sasuke's eyes widened, then narrowed as he turned to sneer at him._

"_You think he--ugh, cares if you kill Itachi…? You will never be able to… not with him… All he wants is… the sharingon… if he was stronger than Itachi, he would have chosen HIS body… the truth is Sasuke…"_

"_Shut up." Sasuke hissed._

"_Orochimaru is weaker than Itachi."_

_Sasuke snarled at the two and walked over to Shikamaru, "Shut up, you stupid Lazy Ass. I will become stronger than Itachi, and I will kill him. Even if it means I have to kill you two to do it."_

"_S-Sasuke… do you hate us… that much?" Naruto whispered from his place bleeding on the floor._

_Sasuke sneered over at the blonde, "No, I don't hate you, Naruto. TO hate means I would have to care about you. I feel indifferent to you--I couldn't care if you lived or died. You mean nothing to me."_

_Nothing._

_Nothing._

_NOTHING._

_For once in his life, Shikamaru was truly terrified. Not of dying, not of never being able to have his children… He was terrified of the blonde haired boy that dragged himself off the ground, a single hand clutching his gaping stomach. He was terrified of the crimson eyes._

_The eyes of a monster._

_---_

"_It hurts so much, Shikamaru…" Naruto whispered, staring out the window of the hospital room._

_Shikamaru nodded from his place on the visitor's chair, "Tch. You burned your own body to a crisp, idiot. It will hurt for a while."_

_Naruto shook his head and turned to look at the dark haired boy, "Not my body, Shikamaru… my chest."_

_Ah, the heart… Such troublesome territory._

_Shikamaru sighed, and frowned up at the ceiling, "Why didn't you just give up on him, Naruto? Why did you have to go and break the seal? This is all so troublesome…"_

_**Why did you have to risk your own life to bring the traitorous bastard back?**_

"_I don't know, Shikamaru…"_

"_Do you love him, Naruto?"_

_Naruto looked up at him and blinked, "What?"_

"_Do you love him?"_

"…_Yes." _

"_How?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

_Tch. This was so troublesome. "How do you love him, Naruto? What kind of love is it?"_

"_I… I don't know, Shika."_

_Shikamaru sighed to himself again as he gently touched his fingers together to think. A few minutes later, he spoke, "The way I see it, Naruto, is that Sasuke is like Hot Peppers."_

_Naruto blanched, "Hot peppers?"_

_Shikamaru nodded. The blonde should be able to understand food… "Yes, Naruto, hot peppers. Pretty to look at, but painful to eat."_

"_Just like Sasuke."_

_Shikamaru nodded, "It's alright to have hot peppers once and a while, Naruto, but you need to find food that you can live with forever."_

"_Like ramen!"_

…_Ramen. Of course._

"………_Yes, like ramen………" Shikamaru mentally rolled his eyes as the blonde nodded thoughtfully._

"_I think I'll ask Kyuubi to let this scar."_

"_Eh?"_

_Naruto grinned at him, "I want to be able to remind myself, Shika--I can be forgetful, you know?"_

_Shikamaru frowned, "Remind yourself of what?"_

"_That hot peppers burn."_

_There was a brief, soft knock at the door interrupting the comfortable silence before a red head pushed the door open._

"_Gaa-chan! Hey!" Naruto chirped brightly, waving at him._

"_Tsunade-sama said you could come out of your room for a while, Naruto… Would you like to eat with me?"_

"_Can we eat ramen!?"_

_Shikamaru rolled his eyes as he waved at his now energetic friend._

"… _if you wish, Naruto."_

_---END FLASHBACK---_

Shikamaru sighed. He knew Naruto still bore the scars of that day… but… he wondered for a moment if even his scars could truly remind him. That didn't matter, though. He would never let Naruto burn himself on peppers again.

---

"Naruto!"

Naruto stopped and turned to look at the pink haired ninja who ran up to him, panting.

In various trees several ninja froze. Did the girl forget their threats already?

"What is it, Sakura-chan?"

"Tsunade-sama has a mission for you! You're going to Suna!"

"EHHH?!?!" Naruto ripped the note from her hands and gawked at it.

"_Brat,_

_This is an A-rank mission. You are to go to Suna as a diplomat for Konoha. Consider this Hokage training. _

_You may take three others with you as guards._

_Tsunade"_

Sasuke Uchiha, not to be left behind and **definitely** not about to leave Naruto with the Gaara Bastard, who had snuck up behind HIS Naruto and was reading over the shoulder that belonged to HIM, declared, "Oi, dobe, I'll go too."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets. This was WAY too troublesome for him. Let the love sick idiots handle this. He was going to go cloud watching with Chouji--who was, as far as he was concerned, the only non-troublesome person in the village.

Neji and Sai, on the other hand, knew that the Uchiha was plotting and immediately volunteered as well.

Sakura, however, could only gawk as the others left to pack and wonder to herself when her plan went so wrong.

----------------------------------------

The End. Of the Story. : )

Told you that you'd hate meeeee! No worries, tho! There WILL be a sequel! Watch out for it in the next week or so_: **SOAP OPERA EXTREME! Desert Ramen Love**_

_Thanks to Singingrain for the title idea. -winkles-_

_Ten points to whoever can figure out where the 'hot pepper' talk comes into play later! And, I'm looking for a beta for the sequel… cause my grammer blows…any takers? _


End file.
